Sure, if your in your 20’s you’re an “adult” whatever the hell that means. But let’s face it. The 20’s are like the adolescent years of adulthood.
- Instead of your voice cracking, it’s your judgement
- Instead of getting “big and strong” we’re learning how to cook and eat at least 3 meals a day…on time.
- Instead of making friends awkwardly at school, you learn to awkwardly make friends at work.
You’re still seen as a child to ‘older’ adults and your parents still patronize you about you buying groceries as they don’t believe you can cook. “Mom, I have YouTube and Gordon Ramsey, I’m good”. — Jk, love you mom.
All jokes aside, Here’s what I’ve learned to emulate from my often but not always older, more respectable peers that I think are essential habits that make a powerful, more competent 20 something.
Quick PSA: Just because someone is in their 20’s doesn’t automatically make them less capable or naïve. Age does not equate to maturity or experience. We all have valuable experiences that make us who we are.
1. Intentionality: A Mental Superpower
As someone who has traveled his whole life, I’ve noticed a few things in people across cultures that always seem to command respect. They are:
- Controlled movements
- Open body language
- Attentive listening in conversation. It relates back to an old quote that says, “We have two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak”
The theme is intentionality.
Intentionality is a rare bird, especially in this age group, and the only way to catch it is with patience, and control over the things we can control.
How to Develop Intentionality
- Take a yoga class, Tai Chi, or other mind and body pursuits. They also double as networking opportunities and confidence builders.
- Start a YouTube channel to practice composing and delivering ideas. The more you do it, the more fluency you’ll develop. You could also write for Medium!
- Don’t start a conversation with the intention to talk a lot. Converse with the intention to listen. I have learned a lot from people this way.
- Budget your money, I personally get less anxiety if I know and control what I’m spending. I recommend the 50/20/30 budget as a starting point of you’re not familiar.
2. Boundaries Are Essential
If you’re a polite, agreeable person like me, this part can be difficult. I have really struggled with it, but I’m getting better every day. I’ve had experiences in the past where I’ve felt wrong for agreeing to do something I did not want to do. Afraid to voice my feelings, or out of fear of hurting someone else’s.
But the real truth is this: What you are comfortable and uncomfortable with matters, and you should never be afraid or ashamed to inform someone of these things.
I’ve seen too many people in this age group agree with or do things that they just look uncomfortable with. And through empathy, it doesn’t feel right to me.
How to Set Your Own Boundaries
- Boundaries are like rights. They exist to protect you. They are in most cases, specific to each of us, and therefore should be communicated by us.
- Let go of the fear of someone else’s reaction. As long as you are not being offensive in doing so, there is no reason for another person to be offensive back. And if they are, it’s been my experience to stay away from a relationship like that.
- You can start on paper. Some more complex feelings need to be organized to identify what your boundary is. I even researched emotional vocabulary to better express myself for future interactions.
- Be direct and don’t wait until it’s too late. I’m guilty of this too, in the moment or the moments leading up to a potential of being hurt, these are good times to pause and set boundaries. Or if it’s in a relationship, a sit down and conversation early on can make a world of difference for both parties.
- Practice it. Setting boundaries is a habit as well as a need for our mental health and for our relationships. We should always be able to bring them up when necessary with the people in our lives.
3. You’ll Grow, If You’re Around Other Growers
Surround yourself with people who challenge you, teach you, and push you to be your best self — Bill Gates
When was the last time you saw a successful person surrounded by people who were not in some way successful also?
How to Network to Find People Who’ll Challenge You
Here’s how I’m doing it.
- Attitude is crucial. You need to be serious about what you want to achieve, in order to be taken seriously.
- I began at the workplace, I wanted to be considered a ‘mover and a shaker’ so I made sure if ever I needed to communicate something to a co-worker, I would go see them in person. Establishes rapport as well.
- If you want to do something bigger and better, try to find people who have done it already, or who are doing it, and try to contact them about it. If you get some responses or even just one response back. Learn from it. Like the old saying says “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.
- (If it’s feasible) Find a job that is challenging, as problem solving develops character, and is a great opportunity to build a network of support around you.
And the most important thing about seeking and learning from people further along than us is: Don’t get too comfortable. I’ve seen friends run in circles for a few years, or are so excited they got their first job that they forget to keep their direction. Forward.
4. Don’t Let Your Entertainment Control You
I have a radically different view of this because I grew up without television and without video games (strict parents, good times).
But it shook me to the core when I entered college to find out that people would stay up all night, or spend an entire weekend playing games or watching content online.
So I tried it to see how it was.
And it was terrible.
As fun and engaging as multiple seasons of a show can be, it takes a massive toll on your body, immune system, and even your work ethic.
Back in the day, my parents would usually let me watch one movie as a reward for doing well on an exam, or after completing a large project in school.
So at this age I maintain that entertainment should be a justified reward. Instead of “O.M.G, I need to see this, I’ll work on my paper later.”
How to Have Control Over Your Entertainment
- After I experimented down that rabbit hole. To get back on track, I had to convince myself that watching more shows was not bringing me any real world benefit, just a fun distraction.
- Out of sight, out of mind does work. Delete your content apps, cancel the subscription for a time, get rid of your browser history so it doesn’t get recommended from typing in the letter “N”.
- Use psychological substitution, which could be applied as watching videos for learning something new, like graphic design or music. Keeping the habit of “watching” but substituting it with content that can add a skill to your life. (I use this tactic to alter my habits all the time)
- Once ‘dependency’ is no longer a feeling. Schedule them it. Only allow say 2 hours on a certain day of the week. For example, I don’t let myself watch anything during work days before bed. Instead I plan on it for one of my open days, and for a set amount of time.
And this can even tie back to habit number one of intentionality. Entertainment is just another habit you have the ability to control.
The things we say no to are sometimes more important as those we say yes to.
Remember.
The 20’s don’t have to be unproductive or awkward. It’s a terrific time for self development, after all, we have much more cognitive ability than our adolescent selves of the decade before.
So get out there and work on your intentionality, habit building, and networking in order to become better, more capable adults for the future. A lot of this has been learned through personal trial and error, and I hope it can save you some time.
Thanks for reading!
-Athelo
